As I look around looking at teenagers walking with their friends or boyfriends I wonder, what's on their minds? What are they talking about ?. Education , sex , marriage or partying . I really hate myself for not showing my interest in my education since I was small. Now, I only can just sit and look at my friends enjoying life, continue their study or even work . After a long thought I had and tears that can filled up into a big bucket I need to accept what had happened to me and go through life as it wants me to be . Im now in a big confusion and pressure. I never had this much confusion and pressure not even having my N level examination even ought I was stress like hell. Im noticed that im very weak person and not a strong person like my 1st sister . I never got the chance to say out loud what my thoughts and all I have to do is to listens what my parents and I will follow each demand they give me. I sometimes fed up with my life . IM so used to my parents making me decision until I don't know how to make my own decision . I always asked people around. All I want is people to be happy and not to disappoint them but now im in a state where I only can make a certain people happy and certain people will look down on me of making a bad decision . Oo..What will happen to me now !? I wish I can see my future and what will turn out with my life. This problem is so UNhealthy for me . I feel after sometime at any moment I can just black out and fall into the ground , I think that will be the best moments in my life that I could have not to think of anything . People has different thoughts and sometimes people thinks that theirs are right . Since people have different thought so there's no wrong or right. If I made my decision I hope that the moral support that people giving me wont look down on me and still give me their moral support . I only can HOPE what's best for me. im just a 16 year old girl who some people doesn't want to hear my decision. They thought im 16 and my opion is just bullshit and 'small kids thoughts' . As i think it over and over it again why would Allah give me this lesson that is so difficult for me to solve and learn . What did i do wrong ? i used to be wild and rude to my parents but i changed !! I changed!! ALOT!! . WHY ME!? Why not other girls ?? . Oo...I feel like killing myself , shot myself in the head. I only can communicate with people to express my feelings,thoughts or option by writing . When it comes to talking I will get all teary and unable to talk and settle things out. A long lane of road will clear my mind . I feel like going out tomorrow alone and clear my mind and thing about my final decision. im scared..~~